Friday, January 20, 2012

Poems by yours truly...

"Black is the core of my heart.
Sadly i walk through this terrifing reality,
until childhood fears rid me of my inner peace.
Darkness, Darkness, Darkness.
Thou art my salvation!"
- Sarah Saguilan

"I want to stay in love with my sorrow
don't wanna forget how it feels
here in the darkness i know myself
can't break free until i let it go..."
- Sarah Saguilan

( I suffer with depression, i have my whole life.
It wasn't until the last two years that i finally was put on medication. This is just a little clip from my diary, when i started on the meds, it was really hard for me to adjust. i had been depressed for so long, loneliness, and sadness, was all i knew. The darkness, and all my pain where my friends, as sick and twisted as that sounds, its true. Maybe theirs others of you out there who can relate to me too?? In a way, it's like all the pain, and guilt, hate, and shame, was like a drug, an addiction, all of it's own... i didn't want to forget how it felt
so for me to say, " I want to stay in love with my sorrow" that's how i really felt at the time, it was so powerful, the feeling i mean. To say your "in love" with something. It was a sick, and twisted love...but it was hard to let that go. But it was consuming everything i was, and the medication gave me a breath of fresh air, an escape from deaths lurking shadows. I finally felt,  FREE!!..... Like a free'd bird from a cage, i was free to fly again, after being a prisoner to myself, for so long...) 

"A cemetary surrounded by a graveyard fence, envokes a sense of claustrophobia, as does veiling, masking, and corsetry."

Crows significance:

A guide from darkness to light
Guidence while walking in the shadows...

                       "This is who i am inside,
       fighting all these years, 
 to see who i've really become...
tourtured by my depression
a captive of my demons
can't get these voices out of my head
something waits for me on the other side.
Now i can't run and hide...
Slowly fading away
the poisen running through my veins,
how many times have i done this to myself?
Nothing but numbness inside,
I don't feel the pain amymore.
Can't make this feeling go away,
but i can't stop now...
the power is so overcoming,
the rush and high, soon fade away...
and now im left in the darkness
alone again..."
- Sarah Saguilan

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